The Marxist-Leninist (not to say Stalinist) orthodoxy of theoretical physics is, as you know, starting to show some serious strain. The economy built on counting fictitious super-tractors is on the verge of collapse, and a leader focused on glasnost and perestroika is sorely needed. Glasnost – openness about what they are really doing, and openness to new ideas, even capitalist ideas. Mathematicians have a lot of mathematical capital that could be very useful, if only there was enough glasnost to accept it. Perestroika – reconstruction of the entire theory from the bottom up – not from the top down, we know what disasters that leads to. I can’t help with glasnost, but I can help with perestroika.
Yesterday I finished reconstructing a balcony. It has taken me most of the summer, partly due to the weather, but mainly due to me taking my time to make sure I got it right. I am not a builder, but I have done a much better job than the so-called professional builders who constructed the previous model (Standard Model wooden decking). Analysis of the experimental results of their theory showed that the had (a) neglected gravity, which meant that the drainage didn’t work properly, and eventually experiment showed significant rotting of the timbers. And (b) neglected structural unification, so that the structural loads were being distributed to the wrong places.
So I began with two basic engineering principles. First I had to get the drainage system right, and then I had to get the railings secure enough to lean on. And the whole structure must be unified so that everything is securely anchored to the brickwork of the house. Some reading of the literature to find out what other people have done, or recommend, and what is available as building materials. Then to work.
Step 1: strip back to the brickwork.
Step 2: replace rotten timber to attach fascia and guttering.
Step 3: re-felt the roof.
Step 4: build a framework of joists.
Step 5: lift joists above the roof to allow drainage, and anchor securely to the wall.
Step 5: attach corner posts to the joists, resting on the roof to take the weight.
Step 6: attach top and bottom rails to the posts, and anchor securely to the walls.
Step 7: attach deck boards to the joists.
Step 8: build balustrade, and attach to top and bottom rails.
Having done all that, it is very clear what the builders did wrong. Firstly, they used the deck boards themselves as the main structural element, to which the posts and balustrade were attached. They used six posts, only two of which were securely attached to the walls. The other four were loosely attached via flimsy top and bottom rails and metal brackets and screws that were nowhere near big enough for the job. The second mistake was to attach the bottom rail directly to the deck boards, without allowing a gap for drainage. Well, there were other mistakes as well, but these were the main ones. Inadequate foundations was another. Failure to repair the holes in the old felt was another. Laying the deck boards across the slope instead of down the slope was another. (Don’t get me started on which way is left and which way is right!)
So, you see, I know a little bit about re-construction, and I know what an error looks like, and what effect it has on experiment, even if I am not a professional physicist. I have put before you a number of plans for what your re-constructed balcony might look like, and invited discussion of the relative merits of the the different plans. What I do not invite is people to say “there’s nothing wrong with the balcony we’ve got” – when it is completely obvious even to a layman that it is rotting from the core outwards. And I do not invite people to say “we don’t need to consider gravity”, because you do – you may think that roof is flat, but it is not, it is deliberately sloped to allow drainage, and if you ignore that fact you will not get a balcony that works properly. Gravity may be a very weak force, but without it, the rest of the model does not work.
And don’t forget the strong force: the top rail is strong, because it is made of two 2x4s at right angles to each other, spanning a 4.3 metre gap, strong enough to support your whole weight without much deflection. It isn’t an afterthought, orthogonal to the electro-weak mixing of posts and decking, it is the essence of the whole structural integrity of the model (Super Model of Perestroika Physics). So, are you ready for a bit of perestroika? I know I am. Start at Step 1, and follow the eight steps to enlightenment.